Kick snare heartbeat

22nd March 2012

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Random thought of the day

I know I haven’t updated my story in a while. Its not that I haven’t been living I’ve just been, I’m not gonna lie, lazy. I’ve gotten most of the next chapter finished and I will be releasing it on (cough cough). But I had a random thought and wanted to share it. Today as I was leaving work I walked out the door of 30th street station and walked out the door leaving it open for the guy coming in from the other side to walk in behind me. He sincerely thanked me for this. I know why make such a big deal he was just a little over zealous about the door being held open. But that’s the thing. I didn’t do anything extra at all. I went through and it just so happened to leave leave enough space for him to also get through. The reason I bought this up is because I imagine that somewhere in the not to distant past that guy was trying to do the same “slip in the door as someone else slides out the door maneuver and some jerk, instead of letting him go through normally, stopped him before he could get to the door and slowly, while staring him down, closed the door behind him and walked off. So, instead of overreacting to a simple half of a courtesy, he was just greatful I wasn’t that last asshole that shut the door behind himself making an otherwise simple, and usually flawless exchange, into this stressful kind of russian roulette.

13th March 2012

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A day in the life chapter 3

At work there is a lot of room for improvement. Between characters that come through the station and characters that work at the station I’m pretty much surrounded by a headache all night. Oh I work at 30th street station. Its not a glamorous job but its pretty awesome. Im a station cleaner so i essentially clean stuff. Bathrooms, offices, floors, collect and dump trash ect. Its not that difficult. However, people tend to make it more difficult than it needs to be. One night I was cleaning the bathrooms. In order to do this its mandatory that I shut them down and lock the doors at 12am and they dont get opened again until 5am. This has been this way for years but for some reason this seems to be a mystery to the public. I had just finished up cleaning the restrooms around 3am when this big dude, probably around 6’2, 340lbs, came walking up the bathroom doors asking to use the bathroom. I kindly explained to him that the bathrooms were closed for the night and that he needs to walk across the station to use the other restrooms. He got a little mad at this and says, “damn! I just want to go pee man. Open that door up man.” At his reply i get a little agitated and I respond with, “look man. The bathrooms are closed. Theres nothing i can do about it. The open restrooms are across the hall.” And I turned around and was about to walk away when he says, “man fuck this. Im about to just piss on the floor then.” Now im mad. Because if he pisses on the floor I’m gonna have to clean it up. That wasnt about to happen. So I turned back around and looked him in the eyes and said, “if you pee on my floor, I’m gonna fuck you up.” He looked at me and for a second I thought i was gonna have to back up my threat when he said, “iight man where are the other bathrooms?” I took three steps back and pointed down the hallway and then turned and walked down the another hallway. Firstly, I rarely make idle threats but this one kind of slipped out cuz I was tired and irritated. Secondly I’m very violent in thought but not in deed. This was a case where my mouth spoke before my brain could regulate. Im just glad i didnt end up having to fight this guy because it could have easily gone that way. Plus as tough as i think i am, im pretty sure he couldve taken me in a fight. Thats not the first time something like this has happened though. When dealing with the public in the dead of night you get into a lot of what  I like to call “almost altercations.” Another time I thought I was going to have to fight at work was when this drunk guy asked me where the bathroom was at around 2 in the a.m. It seems like a lot of these altercations start with somebody trying to use the bathroom. Does a full bladder begging to be emptied just create hostile human beings? I digress. This guy walked up to me and asked me where the bathrooms were. I pointed him towards the restrooms and didnt think twice about it. Then,he starts lunging at me and backing off while yelling, ” yea you better had told me where the fucking bathrooms was at.” At this point i could tell he was drunk. His speech was slurred and he was slightly off balance and he seemed like he wanted to fight. So, being the very cautious human being that growing up in bad neighborhoods creates, I pivoted on my left leg, positioning my right leg behind me in the all too familiar stance of an orthodox boxer. Dude jumps at me one more time and then staggered off towards the bathrooms. Im not gonna lie i was a little disappointed, i had been itching to get into a fight for a while. Its not like i enjoy fighting but the idea of testing my capabilities, of seeing if my mind and my body are on the same page of where im at physically, was appealing to me. After about 2 weeks of working out i realized my mind thinks way too highly of my body. It was a rude awakening to say the least. I still think i couldve taken the drunk dude tho.

11th March 2012

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A Day in the Life: chapter 2

Thursday morning, not that this gives you any kind of reference at all, I was headed to my workout session. I had decided recently that I was pretty much done being fat and out of shape so I decided to change that. I was like 3 weeks in and had already lost 10 pounds. Anyway, I was on the subway platform waiting for the broad street line when this young looking girl came and sat next to me. I was feeling good that particular morning so I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back and said, “hi.” So continuing to smile I responded with ,”hi…um how old are you.” She giggled and and tossed her hair back over her shoulder and said, “17 why?” Before i continue on this train of thought there are a few things you need to know in order to fully appreciate this exchange. For starters, I am 22 years old. Im the type of guy who enjoys the company of people older than me because most people my age annoy me. I rarely hang out or associate with people under 21 although there are a few exceptions. Back to this scenario. She said, “17 why.” I looked at her, without altering my smile and responded with, “aww…thats too bad.” I then stood up and walked away from her leaving her sitting there confused. Then she started to yell and scream and curse, calling me all kinds of fat motherfuckers and what not. I reached into my pocket for the sweet escape that would be my headphones only to find that in my haste to leave the house I had left them home. So for the 10 minutes or so of waiting on the train I had to listen to this girl scream insults down the platform at me. I probably shouldnt have jumped to the conclusion that she was romantically interested, and while that thought did cross my mind, thats not what was going through my head at the time. I was simply amusing myself. Had I not forgotten my headphones It would have been a success. So the train comes and I make it a point to get into a different car than the one she boarded. I get to my destination and workout. I’m not gonna go into great detail about how I flailed around attempting to do a bunch of exercises that were outta my league. Lets just say it was a fiesta de fail pretty much from start to finish. On the bus headed back to the subway I saw this girl. (Yes a lot of my story will be about a girl i saw, talked to, interacted with or wanted to see talk too or interact with) The bus was crowded and she made no attempt to hide the fact that she was not ok with it. She kept saying, in a very loud speaking voice, loud enough to hear thoughout the entire bus, “yo this bus too crowded im bout to get off and just walk”. Mind you, she got off like 6 stops later at the subway, as i figured she would, so the whole time shes going off I’m thinking “bitch go ahead and get off then. Give us all a break and i hope you miss ya damn bus. Either that or shut the fuck up.” Before i continue I must note two things. The first being yes i refered to this girl as a bitch but it was in my head. I didnt even mean it as anything disrespectful, as hard as that is to believe. Blame kevin hart for my nonchalant use of the word bitch because thats exactly where i get it from. I would never refer to a woman as a bitch out loud. At least not to her face. When refering to her to a third party yes I’ll probably say something along the lines of, “then this bitch…ect.” secondly, I curse a lot. I really could help it and would probably sound more intellegent because of it but…i dont. Im actually filtering out my profanities quite a bit, but, im sure as i get more comfortable in writing this book or short story- or what ever this turns out to be, I’ll more than likely get a little more liberal with my curses. Anyway back to this chick. So shes talking loudly and im getting annoyed. I dont like loud and ghetto chicks and she was a healthy dose of both. She keeps yelling and i start thinking, “you not cute enough to be this obnoxious. You need to shut the hell up.” We pulled up to the stop and i got off the back while she got off the front. I was still annoyed as hell at her. That is until i saw her good for the first time. She had THE faust butt that I ever did see and she was wearing these semi see through tights that looked kinda like sweater material. Not only was it fat though, it moved so well. She took a step and the ass cheek went up and jiggled a little bit and repeat for the other cheek. I was no longer mad but standing there completely in lust. At that moment i realized something about myself that i find disturbing. The nicer the girls ass is the less likely i am to be/stay mad at her. this chick was extremely annoying, probably the opposite of what i enjoy in a woman,wasn’t all that cute in the face, but, because her ass was so gorgeous I had not only stopped being mad but was actually interested. I’m a little mad that my primitive mind still has that much control over me. I would really put up with a with some shit if the ass is fat. That’s sad.

Tagged: Bookongoingfunnywittymemoirprophetgirlsassbootywritingphilly

10th March 2012

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A Day In The Life: Epilogue

This isnt your typical memoir. Im not even sure you can call what Im writing a memoir. For starters not all of this is true. In an effort to make my mundane life a little more pallatable for you, I will be embellishing on real events. Ok, maybe a little more than embellish. In some instances I will be completely making up shit. Just flying off at the mouth and writing what should have happened. The way this will work is, if a situation doesn’t turn out favorable, I will tell it how I saw it happening in my mind. I may even include what actually happened as a contrast between how I think and how I act. Another way that this differs from other memoirs, or books in general for that matter, is that I will not be doing much, if any, editing. I’m not the greatest speller and any who knows me can attest to that fact. I do however put words together fairly well and that, I guess, is the point of this. Don’t judge me on misspelled words, improper punctuation, and sometimes bad grammar. Judge me on the stories told. As I began writing this I was thinking that it should start with a bang. Then I thought it should start off funny. Then, before i wrote a single word, I completely forgot about this idea and continuned to live my life. After a couple of days I had one of those “i was supposed to be doing something” moments. Thats when this idea resurfaced and I began writing what you’re reading now. Turns out that the thing i was supposed to be doing is burning a movie for this girl at work and of course I forgot. Before I officially begin, I know Im being extremely random, I have to note that this thing will jump from event to event with out the slightest regard for any known concept of a time line. Thats just the way I get down. Also Im writing this on my phone, alternating between swype and my physical keyboard. I only point this out because if you pay close attention you can tell when im using which medium. You can tell if im using my physical keyboard by the fact that I will occassionally forget to use an apostrophe or capitalize the word “I”. Its just too much of a hastle to remember to do either. Also swype will have less spelling errors because it auto-corrects and uses a dictionary while my physical keyboard is at the mercy of my mind. So without further hold ups I will give you the first of many stories that is my life.

Tagged: bookWritingFunnyEpilogueObservationsReal lifeProphetWittyWry